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The Great Giving Up

by Ian Miles

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1.
My heart is a hammer My throat's full with nails I built you the house you said you wanted but couldn't live there I beg you with love by speaking in bones The doors are all open and wanting you to come home To lift the spell from these trees Sing in my choir of pine Start a fire I can feel I beg you with love and plead from my bones I can wait forever but darling please come home.
2.
3.
Oh, we lost our heads y'know? We set out to open doors and carried hatchets left half-buried in the sand like it was always part of a great big plan... But it wasn't. Now at the baggage claim We walk off like we had never been on a plane. Now I don't know my shoe from my hand, but I know that you understand when I say Beyond this house and these bones This flesh isn't home. The bridge is out y'know? We burned it before we crossed it but that's ok because the faith that I've found in this room to be true and the wolf's blood drips from the lamb's white tooth and everything I've ever learned has all been a lie that I've swallowed to harden my insides. Now I don't know my shoe from my hand, but I know that you understand when I say Beyond this house and these bones This flesh isn't home.
4.
In my just woke up and still tired eyes everyone turned their back and walked away. What had I done in my sleep? Where did I go in my dreams? I clung to what little made sense with shaking hands leaves fittering in the smoke of a forest fire who's flames were the echoes of your voice, that brought me in to life! It flittered hot and bright. An electric whip-crack and I too was disembodied. Like ash I was suspended, almost dancing in the air for a minute at most. The exciting memory of you saying my name played over and over like a tape-loop that my father's father carved into the strains that make me him, and for that moment I knew only you. I found comfort in that chaos, I was crazy and I was calm. I shifted from solid to gas then from black to orange. I was sleeping in your car. I was startled by the spark, I was running up those stairs that I knew so well that somehow I forgot there was nine and not ten and my foot fell with more weight than I was carrying. In my just woke up and still tired eyes no one turned their backs to walk away. Not a single quickstep was taken in my offense, I'd done nothing in my sleep but dream I was somewhere else with you. Everything made sense, like volatile and thin plants catch flame and the leaves of the greater trees dance in warmth naturally and with pride. I thanked my fathers for their wisdome. I was shown absolutely and apparently for a minute at most the breadth of my bones and how clearly you were carved across them.
5.
Welcome Home 02:55
I found a house where no one lives and spent an hour chipping paint from it's walls trying to figure out where the family had gone but there was no trace at all. The furniture smelled like old cigarette ash and there was newspaper piled as high as a three-year-old whose name I couldn't read but I watched him grow by the marks I found on the door The creaking doors sing their eulogies to a time who knows how long ago when their knobs would turn with surprise over a mat that read, 'welcome home.' The kitchen sink was filled with leaves That fell from the once-tended plants that hung above that now hang like skeletons near the drapes like any casualty of love I found a wedding gown folded in a chest St. Valentine I know would cry if he felt the stale air that I gasped when I saw the mold that covered the lace in disrepair. The melancholy song of dusty dolls can be heard from the choir on the shelf' "Tell us who out there can remember us for that's all we have left." I found a house where no one lives and spent an hour chipping paint from it's walls trying to figure out where the family had gone but there was no trace at all. The creaking doors sing their eulogies to a time who knows how long ago when their knobs would turn with surprise over a mat that read, 'welcome home.' And I left that house all alone over a mat that read, 'welcome home.'
6.
She drops her white summer dress to the floor the lights go out, the cars spin and crash everything is a quiet audience to the snowflakes kissing the snowflakes from the branch. It all looks dead, Except for the concrete monsters with a million brilliant eyes keeping close vigil with the same view as the moon floating silently by. There's a god here Swelling in my chest. I want to scream your name and put an ocean to rest. And the minds of bundled children grow as thick as the snow is deep as they tunnel through white jungles that grew while they were asleep A city under snow, in a city under snow there is a god here swelling in my chest. A city under snow swelling in my chest.
7.
Disregard me and the horse I rode in on. You can send me down the river With no pennies on my eyes, I don't mind. I recall the boy you were when I met you and how you killed yourself that summer over a girl who believed in ghosts and then you somehow became one but she still couldn't see you. I've heard rumors and I've seen pictures that break my heart. No one's got answers. Does your mom know where you are? This is goodnight to the hunter! I'll point my flashlight to the stars in hopes you can see it wherever you are. (see it?) Stiff white collar, whisky tea, radio towers and sawdust on the floor.
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Beartrap 02:25
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Time Travel 03:30
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Stone Garden 04:23
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credits

released July 1, 2010

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Ian Miles Spokane

Ian Miles is an independent singer-songwriter based out of Spokane, WA.
His Music has been described and "a little cool and a little weird – in a good way" and "very story-telling".
Sometimes mellow and bittersweet; a songbird at your window sill and at other times a thunderous full-throated roar of emotive stomping and hollering like a wild preacher of the end-times!
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